I have a blog, but there's something about writing here that is pretty damn cathartic. Maybe it's that I don't have many followers, or that I'm leaving this alias behind. Those who are interested in reading this are probably aware of this alias and my current one, which is closer to who I am. This alias was beginning to blend in with the other, anyway. I like my anonymity, but it's a little draining keeping everything separate.
I want to write about friendship, today. I've written about it before, but life is weighing on me, now. At my age, it seems society thinks I'm a slut for not having children and spending every waking moment doting over my husband. Instead, I have very good friends in an awesome community we've built together. One of these very good friends is my husband. He is strong, self-sufficient, solitary, and he appreciates the balance I bring to his life. I am also strong and self-sufficient, but I need people in my life. While he is dumping years of his life into this career so that we have a good life later on, what am I supposed to be doing? According to society, read the third sentence in this paragraph.
I have my own projects, and I care very deeply for people. I worry over some friends more than others, and certain people find it alarming that I never complain about my husband. I tell them about his career, which I find fascinating, and their attention wanders. I tell them about a friend who's constantly setting figurative fires, and they whisper about how I'm spending too much time with that friend. They construct their own narratives about what must really be going on.
I talk to my husband about this problem, and though he says that it's their problem for having dishonorable thoughts about us, he sees how it is also my problem. He sees how much it hurts, being branded with a scarlet letter. He knows that if I were the one working his hours, and if he were the one driving our community, I'd still be branded because what am I really doing while I claim to be working those long hours?
A few of hour friends have apologized for the trouble, but I've told them that it isn't their fault. One of our friends laughed at the dishonorable ideas these poor souls are having, because it's clear to everyone in our community that I have no such interest in anyone but my husband. It's sad that my unwavering devotion to him is unfathomable to so many, but I'll feel bad for them after resentment has passed. At present, I'm angry that they're being petty just because they're unhappy in their own relationships.